For Myself… Read It or Don’t

My dear mother, forgive me. Forgive me for the years that passed when I wasn’t there. Forgive me for the days I behaved badly, for a son’s unkindness. Forgive me for the games that made me smile while they filled your eyes with tears. For every moment you hung your head… for every time you shouted so that not a breath would be taken from mine. Mother, forgive me for those rainy autumn days when you missed me and I was wrapped up in my own life. Forgive me for the nights you stayed awake beside me when my fever reached forty degrees. For the fruit you peeled for me on the nights before exams. For the sweetness of your smile when you learned I was going to university. Forgive me for every fall I took, every wound that hurt me and terrified you. Forgive me for all the hopeless days when you smiled to give me hope… Mother, forgive me for not being beside you on the days when perhaps you needed me more than ever. For the days you lay ill and I didn’t know. For your final breaths, when mine could not warm you… Mother… My dear mother… Forgive me for not mourning you as I should have… Forgive me for not being the person you wished I would be. Forgive me… I wrote my last words on your gravestone, to leave them there in remembrance: You who rest a moment upon this earth, smile. The mother sleeping beneath this soil was always smiling.